WANDA'S WORLD

Modern day survival kit

A few weeks ago I made fun of my husband's yearly ritual of cleaning out the garage. This week I confess to my own yearly ritual - cleaning out my purse. Personally, I think my husband has the easier job!
A purse is like an extension of a woman's body. I don't feel whole if I'm not carrying my purse. Maybe its the weight -- causing me to walk at a distinct tilt, as if one of my high heels was shorter than the other. Or maybe it's just the feel -- the strap causing a permanent indentation in my shoulder, pinching the main nerve that leads directly to my brain.
OK, so it may be a painful extension of my body, but any woman will tell you there's a feeling of security that comes with carrying a purse loaded with the essentials, like some modern-day survival kit -- even if I can't remember which special pocket I put the car keys in.
Yes, I carry the boring everyday things we all need, like identification containing questionable weight and hair color information, or money, which in my case means enough change to use the candy vending machine for lunch, and of course, a checkbook for those unexpected expenses like buying an antique cherry pitter at a yard sale.
But it's the unusual, unexpected, unknown, unexplained items that really set a woman's purse apart from all other human possessions. I know even I'm puzzled by some of the things I dump out of my purse on cleaning day.
But most women have a method to their madness in what they tote around.
For instance, I carry several old pill bottles in my purse. They never contain what the prescription says but I know what's in there - aspirins, Rolaids, laxatives, allergy medicine. And don't forget band-aids and ointment. It doesn't matter that I look like a walking pharmacy - I'm ready to set up a first aid stand during a natural disaster.
And speaking of being ready, I will never be caught looking ugly. Not only do I carry standard makeup like powder and blush, but my mouth alone is going to look and smell great because I have lipstick, lip liner, lip gloss, chapstick, floss, and chewing gum.
And thank goodness for small samples which allows me to carry mini-everything: hand lotion, hairspray, scissors, a perfume stick, and a sewing kit.
And a good wallet is just like carrying a little purse within a purse. There you keep even smaller essentials like straight pins, paper clips, rubber bands, stamps, and salt and pepper packets.
Of course, the best wallet always has enough pockets and slots to accommodate all your credit cards, library card, phone card, insurance card, voter registration card, and the business card of every person you've ever met. My wallet has a pocket where I carry unique treasures like phone numbers with no names, expired coupons, receipts for last year's Christmas gifts, and the Nebraska Cornhuskers' 1995 football schedule.
I carry pens, pencils, paper, an eraser - in fact, I carry enough supplies to set up a small office while I wait for a bus.
A good datebook is so necessary - one that contains miniature world maps (in case I get lost in Tibet), the 800 number of every help-line, weights and measures, first aid procedures, and of course, the mileage between all major cities in the US. That last item is especially important to a person like me with a total lack of direction. If I make a wrong turn on my way to Des Moines one day, I might want to know how far it is to drive back home from Laramie, Wyoming!
Which reminds me, I need to run some errands. Has anyone seen my car keys?